Monday, September 13, 2010

Snakes on a porch.

Yesterday Hubz was weedeating around our front porch and found a baby cottonmouth snake. The cottonmouth was no match for the weedeater though. Well, partially.

Hubz called me over to have a look-see. As I'm walking by the front door, I see what he has. Bean was in the house and I pulled the front door to because I didn't want her running outside. Well, that set her off. I guess she thought she was being left or something. She runs to the door and is pounding on it. But I am completely transfixed by that snake. I couldn't move. (For longtime readers, you all know that I completely believe snakes and birds are "the debil".)

Jerkface, I mean Hubz, leans over and scoops the danged thing up and plops it down on the front porch - there's no railing between my porch and the great wilderness I call the front yard. So this thing is writhing around snapping at whatever. In all honesty, it probably was only 1 to 2 ft. long. It's tail was missing but those fangs were still there.

So Bean's screaming and banging on the front door to be let out, Hubz is wrangling this baby snake ON MY FRONT PORCH, and I'm just about to pee my pants. I couldn't move. This danged thing had been crawling around under my rose bush less than 2 feet from my porch, the one with no railing, it just ends and there's the grass. Bean and I are out there several times during the week, sitting and playing on the porch and around this bush.

Hubz finally leans down and cuts off the head. (Sorry PETA people but it happened.) Hubz suddenly became a superhero in his own mind. Captain Snake Killer picked the body up so he could admire his kill. Once I remembered I had a body, I moved around and opened the door to let the screamer out. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't a big worm and that if she ever saw anything like it again, she couldn't touch it. She was to run and get me or Daddy. Hopefully, Daddy. I'm not sure if she got it. I should have shown it to her before the head got lopped off so she could see it snapping. Maybe that would have scared her. [Sidebar- I don't care what dear Steve Irwin ever said. Snakes are to be feared. Hello! Bible lessons, people.]

So as I'm walking her back inside Hubz says "well, that's only the fourth one I've killed here in 10 years." Jerk. I didn't know about two of those four.

Then last night as I am trying to go to sleep it dawned on me...it was a baby...there must be a momma. Oh Lord.

I AM NEVER GOING OUTSIDE AGAIN.

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